Teamwork and Responsibility

So now I’m a stay at home dad, and my only responsibility is this little girl, I’m not supposed to care about stuff like ‘whose job’ any particular thing is right? On paper, that’s absolutely correct. I should not care anymore if my wife is better at some stuff than I am. Sure. Truth is, it bugs the shit out of me. Here is where the major conflict comes in to play. I used to be a productive member of society; I used to make money; I used to be lots of things to lots of people. I used to be a real man. Now I’m a dad to a little girl and a husband to a woman, and that’s about it. I’m supposed to be ok with this. This is, afterall, what I signed on for, right? This is perhaps the biggest problem I face. Now I should disclose that, when she worked before, my wife made more money than me, so I had to get used to that, which I did. It was difficult to dispose of the stereotypes in that area but I did successfully and moved on. My wife and I used to joke that she married me for my money.

Now I’m not making any money at all. When you stop to think about it, you might wonder “who the hell cares about money?” Money can’t buy anything that’s important anyway. Try telling that to my ego. I am the one who is supposed to be raising this child, and my wife is the one who is supposed to work. When Joy fusses or cries and that interferes with something she is doing like a phone conference or something, I feel lower than low. I mean, I’m a Big Tough Guy and I can’t even do THIS?!? Jesus check my masculinity at the door and just give up.

That would be a cowards way out, wouldn’t it? One more thing in a long list of sacrifices I make for my little girl is my pride. Or at least some of it. When I was faced with a difficult problem in my professional life, one that I could not handle alone, I would have to rely on my fellow technicians sometimes to solve the problem. Afterall, it was my job to fix the system not hang on foolish pride. Sometimes, as in the case of a 911 center failure, people’s lives even depended on me doing my job. My work enabled the real heroes; the EMS people, Law Enforcement, and the like to do their good works, which was help people in need and keep people safe. If I did my job right, they could do theirs. I tell you I was proud of my job! I felt like I made a difference. I felt like I was doing my bit to be a part of the solution not a part of the problem. There was no room for pride. There was only room for “git-r-dun”, which I did. Regularly.

Now I have this Brand New Human Being who just won’t stop crying. I mean I’ve gone through my checklist and she’s just having a fit. Yeah, I remember the last item, sometimes babies just cry. But that doesn’t help the fact that I’m supposed to be doing this, and there is NOTHING I can do to console her. Sometimes I have so swallow my pride and ask for help. Sometimes just handing the baby to someone else stops the crying. Sometimes nothing in the world will stop the crying, but it’s my job to try. Yup throw some of that pride out the window and do what’s right for the child. Once you do that, you realize you don’t miss it anyway. It was just this useless bit of stuff to carry around with you. Now it’s gone, and you don’t have to worry about it. I can say it’s a relief. It’s a load off my shoulders. Am I learning something here?