Sleepless (not) in Seattle

Sleep is a wonderful thing. Talk about something we probably all do take or have taken for granted at one time or another. It's been shown that the human body can go without sleep for days but certainly most higher brain functions suffer almost immediately. I am quite certain that I could go without for 3 or 4 days. I've done it before. That being said, it would be my own personal hell. I can say that with some degree of certainty because these days I'm at least in my own personal heck has far as that goes.

I have, for many years, had some difficulty sleeping. I get tired, I get into bed and my mind just whirrs. You can probably hear the gears spinning. So, several years ago, I turned to booze to stop or slow the whirring so I could get to sleep. Well, guess how that turned out? I already posted about my difficulties in that area, so I won't go further into it. Suffice it to say, that was a poor choice for me. I'm regaining some control of myself in that area lately, and I'm proud of my progress. My reward was, at least initially, a few REALLY GOOD NIGHTS OF SLEEP! I curtailed my booze intake some weeks ago and when Joy allows me, I sleep like a baby. Well, I sleep like a baby who sleeps through the night. Quietly. By herself. Without intervention. Maybe the metaphor breaks down somewhere here.

Joy has been getting up in the middle of the night for quite some time now. Usually the procedure would be to "re-plug" as we would say, or in other words, help her find her pacifier, and go back to sleep. Sometimes that would include a quick diaper change but in any case, everyone would be sleeping within 5 or 10 minutes. No problem right? Hell I can keep that up. It turns out, if you do that long enough, your body starts to adjust. You don't even notice it but you're really missing out on an hour or 2 of sleep, every night. See, Joy would wake up at around 2:00 am. That's the time I am in my deepest sleep. My "restorative" sleep. Take that away from me long enough, and I'm no longer restored as well. I hardly noticed at first.

Sometime in the last maybe 2 or 3 months, Joy has been getting up, as usual, and sometimes not going back to sleep. Sometimes she needed a little cuddling or even a little playing or a bottle or etc etc etc. Before she would sleep by herself. At first, this was a half hour, then an hour. Now I can spend 2 or 3 hours in the middle of the night watching her while she plays. Does that mean I get an extra 2 or 3 hours in the morning? Hell no. She's up at 6:00 or 6:30 no matter what. If I get up at 1:00, play for awhile, and put her back to bed at 3:00 or 4:00 even, we're up at 6:30. I understand it's a phase she is going through, and I hope I can survive it.

If I'm only awake for 5 or 10 minutes, I can get my sleep-dysfunctional self back to sleep pretty quickly most nights. If I have to be awake for 2 or 3 hours, it is MUCH harder. Sometimes I just start a pot of coffee and stay up. It is difficult but I tell myself bourbon is not the answer. I have to solve my own sleep problems before I can help Joy with hers.

Being a mechanic in a previous life, I can speak authentically about being a mechanic. I was an aircraft mechanic but that's all the same. Every mechanic, myself included, had the crappiest cars in the world. Unless he had inherited some money and drove a muscle car or something. Usually, we would all show up in the morning driving something that probably should be in the junkyard. I mean, beat up, barely running, complete pieces of _ _ _ _. The reason for this is, when you're a mechanic, and working on engines and what have you all day long, the last thing you want to do is work on your own car when you get home. The pay wasn't good enough so we could afford someone to work on it for us, so if work was to be done, we had to do it ourselves. When we felt like it. Which was almost never.

I'm trying to take a different view here. I've mentioned before that when my own house is dirty I will try not to poke fun at yours. I will get to the bottom of my own sleeping problems before I help Joy with hers. I'm the adult after all right? Well the appointment is tomorrow.

Argo

A friend of mine and I went to see this move a few nights ago. It was one of those promotional premier things and  he had some passes to get in free. He lives for this sort of thing. You know, he's the one who camps out to wait for the new iphone. Yeah that guy. A little quirky perhaps, but overall a good guy. So we met at the train station and walked to the theater, which was in downtown Denver. Yeah... look at me, all like taking the train like a big boy. When my wife and I go to the movies we get the package deal where you get 2 tankers of carbonated beverage and a metric Ton of popcorn. Buttered, of course. So my buddy and I got the same deal, which seemed like a good idea at the time. It turns out that reaching into his lap to pull out a handful of warm salty greasy things suddenly has different... meaning... for lack of a better word. Funny, when my wife and I do this, and we do this fairly regularly, I think nothing of it. I mean, I don't think anything. Nothing even sexual, or even appropriately sexual. Nothing. It's just a thing. Suddenly its not and I'm not going to have any more popcorn. Which is a total bummer because I really like popcorn. I manage to sneak a few more handfuls but, yeah, for whatever pathetic reason, I can't handle it.Damn. I didn't even have dinner and was counting on the popcorn to satisfy that need.

Joy is trying new foods these days. Gone are the days when some amount of formless tasteless goop would do for a meal. We are eating bananas, carrots, peas, raisins, bits of hotdog, bits of pasta and bits of potato. It was just maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago when I gave her her first piece of pasta. Just plain old overcooked curly - q pasta. She gave me a look that would melt your heart or a polar ice cap. It was a look of pain, disgust, anguish, fear, and even anger. At me. How could I poison her like that? "How could you" she was asking me with her beautiful eyes. How could I indeed. I wanted nothing more than to scoop out a pile of formless tasteless goop and go back to the way things were. This was my baby growing up a little. It's funny how one tiny insignificant piece of overcooked curly - q pasta can change your whole life. Feeding time was our time; it was a special moment when I could really nurture her and see her taking nourishment. I knew that her tiny body was doing the best it could to process, and it was my job to see that it had the chance. Nobody saw the tear in my eye that day.

Now her menu is fairly advanced. She is eating new stuff almost every day. What was good a week or so ago is now more or less a plaything on her high chair table. She wants the next new thing. She wants the new experience. She wants to see what other stuff she can taste. Man I totally get that. I'm an explorer at heart and "adventure eating" is something I enjoy, from time to time. So yeah Joy, I understand where you're coming from. Just don't go too fast ok? If you want formless tasteless goop, its ok with me.

A Tulip Opens
It Cannot Be Hurried
It Cannot Be Delayed