Ya know, sometimes it sucks being the grown up. I'm supposed to be the mature one. I'm supposed to be the one who guides, who teaches, who shows the way to do things. I'm supposed to be the one who is to be counted on. I'm supposed to walk the walk not just talk the talk. I am with whom the buck stops, but today I feel like for whom the bell tolls. Today I took a test. OK it was actually yesterday. It was for an IT certification; for Cisco Systems to be precise. It was my first attempt at what is called a CCENT certification. It's more or less the kindergarten of networking certs. I have been studying for probably 2 months pretty solid. I've been reading some REALLY BORING STUFF. I can say with absolute certainty there is only SO MUCH interest the OSI 7 Layer Model can hold for me. I would rather have a 7 layer burrito.
I took the test and failed it by less than one half of one percent! Yes, .4 percent more and I would have had it. Can you get that close to a skunk without smelling it? NO. Can you get that close to a hipster in a lowered Prelude blaring Jeremy and not become violently ill? NO. But - you can get that close to the cert and fall on your face. Sometimes I want to be the one who is coddled. Sometimes I want someone to pat me on the head, give me a pacifier and say "there there". Um. That painted a rather disturbing mental image. Let's move on.
Joy just turned 1. We had a nice birthday party for her with family and friends. It was a really nice evening. I made the cake and the chili. I'm pretty proud of myself. Ya gotta celebrate the small victories, ya know. Lately my job has been to be her personal jungle gym. Laying on the floor (where I can be found most days), with my legs bent up at the knees make a mysterious tunnel that must be discovered ,or sometimes a cave for the intrepid spelunker. My stomach turns into a magnificent obstacle that must be forded approximately 65,535 times a day. My forehead some sort of drum, my belly button a source of wonder and maybe treasure, my hair a handhold. I wear lots of hats. She can walk now too. In just a few days, she has turned from a baby who can wobble just a few 'steps' before falling on her butt to a small person who can walk across the room (on most attempts). I look at her, standing. Just standing. She can stand. She can STAND! I watched her just today... just... standing there. She was playing with a toy of some sort but she was standing straight up, not wobbling, not shaking. My little girl was on her own two feet. I have a bit of a lump in my throat as I'm writing this right now because this is the most wonderful miraculous thing, and at the same time, it's a knife through my heart, that twists a little more every day. This is the best of times, this is the worst of times. Hey, how do you like that huh? TWO literary reference in one blog post? Huh? HUH?
It's really neat to see the excitement in her face as she is coming to terms with her new skill. I can stretch out my arms, and she will get this look on her face, as she walks over to me, that I am having a hard time describing. It's excitement, giddiness, wonder, uncertainty, a little fear, all in one as I wrap my arms around her. Jesus I don't want to let go. But I do, because that's my job.
She doesn't always make it over to me, or the chair, or the wall, or wherever she is headed. She doesn't have this thing all figured out yet. She's still learning, and sometimes she falls on her butt. Sometimes that look on her face turns to frustration, but she picks herself up and keeps trying. She knows she will get there, even after falling on her face.
Who is teaching who here?
This one was hard. I need pie.
