Getting Started: Getting over Fear

One of my first problems was fear. I was afraid of many things; many things I would never be able to describe or define, and most of which would soon disappear. My first fear was that of being emasculated. I like to think I'm a man's man. I ride motorcycles, drive an old Ford truck, own and shoot guns and so on and so forth. In spite of my worst fears, I did not sprout a vagina and start to care about things like color and feelings. My parts are all still intact, thank you very much, and I neither know nor care what color my living room is. Yeah oh yeah I change diapers. I mean I wipe pretty disgusting stuff off private parts that aren't mine. I intentionally try to remove boogers and other nose contents, and clean the crap that accumulates between small fingers, but I'm all here.

Fear takes many forms. Suddenly not only was I a father (which, believe me is odd in and of itself), but this tiny person now relied on me for her day to day care. I had been in the communications industry as a technician for over 10 years, so I was very scientifically minded and of course, all about communication. I'm used to asking or querying anyone and anything on status and getting some sort of status report. I would then act accordingly of course, right? Well try that on a baby and see how far it gets you. So, my fear was how do I soothe this baby who's wailing in my ear? I can't ask it how its doing, what's wrong, what the hell can I do? After a short period of time I developed a checklist of sorts. Is she warm? Is she tired (this one is tough to decipher this early in the game)? Is she hungry? Is her diaper dirty / wet?

I would make my way through that checklist every time she cried. I mean, all these books tell us that you can "decipher" cries your baby makes right? Yeah sure. Crap. I refer back to my lack of caring or even knowledge of feelings. Remember I'm a guy, and pretty stereotypical on many fronts. Sensitivity is one of them. I don't do sensitive or subtle. So I have this baby who's crying and she's warm, fed, clean (mostly), and rested. What the hell do I do now? I added one more thing to my checklist. Attention. Sometimes they just want attention. Attention can come in many forms - holding her, singing to her, dancing with her, showing her stuff, or whatever. Any time I spend with her is attention.

But what happens when I made it through my checklist and she's still screaming? I refer to Dr. Harvey Karp and his "5 S" techniques. GUYS - GET HIS DVD! You'll probably have to go to a breastfeeding store or someplace like that to get it but DO IT! Seriously. He has a few techniques that help soothe young babies that work! His philosophy is, in part, to remind the baby of time spent in the womb. In other words, sometimes baby is frustrated that she was in this perfect microcosm for 9 months and now has to deal with All This Crap. I can relate, so we watched the DVD and hell if that stuff didn't do the trick. Every time so far. EVERY TIME SO FAR! Google it, check it out.

So I added Dr Karp's stuff to my checklist. I more or less made a sub-checklist under the "attention" item that had all his stuff in it. Every time y'all.

I named this blog "Slow It Down Daddy" because my life is now much MUCH slower than it was before. I'm no longer screaming all over the state responding to public safety communications failures or 911 centers, I'm now rushing to the aide of a screaming baby who's now by my side with a wet diaper. I'm off to change that because that's what I do. My life is slow but I'm proud of it. More later.