The Learning Curve

Is really a curve. A curveball to be precise. I just visited some friends who are of similar vintage as I and who just had their first 10 days ago. Teeny little peanut hardly able to keep her eyes open but apparently she has a healthy set of lungs. I walked in the door and I saw what must have looked like me a year and a half ago. A new set of parents trying to trudge through the complete shittyness of a newborn. Yeah, I'm not one to get stuck on ceremony. I didn't like it one bit, and apparently neither do these folks. I saw frustration in the father's eyes and fear in the mother's, and fatigue in both. We spoke about the first few months, what happens, how do deal with this and that. But mostly we spoke of survival. I was in the mother's shoes not long ago. She is now saying to me what I thought and said not that long ago. It's like I was looking in the mirror. Of course, she looked better than I did, I'm sure. But there I was right in front of my face. It was so familiar, it was almost banal. I mean, it was like discussing tying your shoes. So mundane, so engrained in me, I almost wanted to brush it aside as not worth even discussing. With all the importance and excitement of last year's superbowl. Who won? Who knows? Who cares? Who remembers? It's not important anymore.

That was not the correct response. This was indeed not me looking at me. This was someone else. A friend. A friend in need. I'm quite certain soon she will read this and recognize herself and I hope this is met in the spirit it was delivered. With a touch of humor and a little sarcasm, and a lot of good intent. I feel a strong desire to help; I wish there were a way for me to tell them both to just be cool, don't sweat what you don't know, go with it, and everything will be fine. I wonder how many people told me that a year or so ago. They will be fine, and I am going to help. But the most important thing is, they will be fine; they're good folks.

It's been awhile since I've posted anything. Joy is now just about 18 months old; she will be in 5 days. She is also sliding into her "terrible twos". She is anything but a terrible child. She has several words in her vocabulary, some are even used correctly. She is almost running too. Still a little wobbly at the walk, but she is getting better and better and faster and faster every day. We go to the rec center so daddy can work out, and she can play with the other kids. We have a bicycle trailer for babies that I strap her into and can ride around. My biggest tour so far is to the grocery store and back. The trailer has a little "trunk" area, and as long as I don't try to bring home 4 gallons of milk and 100 cans of soup, I can carry it. 6 1/2 miles round trip! Joy sleeps most of the time. We go to the post office, the Staples (or maybe Office Max who cares what it is), the toy store, the library, and sometimes the ice cream store! I'm back to losing weight again, and feeling better. I think for the first time in a long time, I feel as if I have a life. I feel as if I'm somehow in control of some portion of me. Maybe that's the key, control. If you lose all control (like when you have a newborn), you lose everything. I feel like I'm getting some of that back. I might be wrong, but it doesn't feel that way. Fascinating.